Well, we're five days into NaNoWriMo, and I only have 4,000 words written so far, 8,000 words away from what my goal is for Sunday. In my defense, it's been a rough week.
We started it in Florida where we were hoping to see the shuttle "Discovery" blast off into space. Discovery was having a lot of trouble the week before, little mishaps that kept popping up, but NASA engineers were working day and night to get her all patched up for her big ride. Well, the day before we were supposed to leave, NASA announced the launch would be delayed a day. We hurriedly changed our flights, added another night onto our hotel stay, and rearranged all our vacation plans. A friend who was supposed to come with us, though, backed out because he couldn't afford a new flight and an extra day off of work. Such is the businesses of space travel spectating. It's a risk you have to be willing to take, and he wasn't.
So he got a refund on his Saturday plane ticket while Chris and I cashed ours in, but just after landing on the tarmac in sunny Orlando and turning on our cell phones the minute the pilot said it was okay, Chris discovered Discovery was pushed back another day, another day we ourselves could not afford to stay. In other words, we had a black cloud following us around the whole four days we were down there. Don't get me wrong, it was a great trip. It was 85 degrees, 35 degrees warmed than we were accustomed to in chilly Michigan, and we still got to see plenty of awesome things, like the shuttle actually sitting on the launch pad. However, since we did things that were related to NASA and the shuttle launch, our emotions were confused. We would see something really interesting and astounding, and we were elated, and then it would remind us of the shuttle launch, and we were depressed. There was so much sorrow in our smiles. It was the epitome of bittersweet.
I had planned on having a lot of time to write on day one and day two, because shuttle launches are all about hurrying up and then having to wait, so with all the down time we would have on the causeway waiting for the countdown on Monday and of course the airplane ride home on Tuesday, I figured I'd have plenty of opportunity to spit out a couple thousand words at least. But then our plans changed, I didn't have quite so much free time, and the little bit I did attempt to write I thought was terrible, and the trip had already been depressing enough.
But I still had my original battle plan of writing for two hours every day after work before Chris got home. Only when I returned to work on Wednesday, all hell had broken loose while I was gone, and my boss was practically begging me to do overtime. Now everyone loves a little cash in their pocket, but when's a girl supposed to find time to write? And of course every evening is spent renovating our house, so I was starting to feel up a crick without a paddle.
One of these nights, after a minor nervous breakdown, I told Chris I couldn't spend much time at the house because I needed to write if I was gonna take this pledge to NaNoWriMo seriously. (Haha it's hard to talk seriously about something called NaNoWriMo, but I digress) So I got myself a cup of tea and a slice of cake and I sat down at my computer and got serious.
Only everything I wrote was crap. Crap, crap, crap. I felt like I was in third grade again, writing pages of run-on sentences and boring plot lines strung together with "and thens."
In fact, overall, it hasn't been finding the time that's been the problem this week. You can always find the time if you look hard enough. It's getting motivated to face my monitor when I know all that's coming out is crap.
I argued with myself a lot this week, asking myself if it was worth it to spend so much time if I would have to rewrite my entire end product, and if I should bother wasting so many bad words when I could be writing better (though fewer) words. But I keep trying to remind myself that it's about words in general, good and bad, and just getting some on the page, which is a task that seemed to be eluding me before this month started. And yes, I'm writing a lot of stuff that will end up getting crossed out with the most brilliant red pen I own, but there's also little gems here and there, ideas I hadn't thought to include before, metaphors I hadn't pondered before, poetry I didn't know I was capable of before. That alone, I think, is the reason so many people believe in NoNaWriMo and want to be a part of it. I just have to keep reminding myself.
Luckily, I've got help. At least two friends on my facebook are "suffering" (though self-imposed) with me, both veteran writers who love to root this rookie on. They reassured me that writing crap is okay and even they, with their more advanced writing level, are still writing their share of crap and then some. One friend doesn't even bother looking back at anything he's written. In fact, he's got a writing program that only lets him see the last hundred words he's typed, which I think is friggin' genius. I find myself writing for a good fifteen minutes, hitting a wall for a moment, and then checking my word totals, only to find they've increased by a mere hundred or so. The other encourages me to not stop writing for anything, and to switch gears to a different plot line or character if I feel myself slowing down. Great advice from both and great encouragement!
But to be honest, the most helpful thing they told me was that they were writing crap, too. It reminds me I'm not alone.
So I will trudge on. Hopefully I can find some time this weekend between laying hardwood floors in our house to catch up on those 8,000 words. If it's one thing I've learned so far, it's that getting behind by even a day can really hurt your numbers, and after all, this really is all about the numbers (since it's certainly not about good writing). I guess I need to take Tod up on his offer and have a POWER WEEKEND!
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