Que sais-je?

I was attempting to hold a book hostage from the library this week. Apparently, you can only renew books once, which I had already done, and so it was demanding to have its book back. I called the library and said, "Hell, no, I'm keeping the book and you have to pay me a quarter for every day I don't return it." Oh, wait. They charged me a quarter for every day I didn't return it. I guess that whole hostage situation didn't turn out too great for me. So eventually I gave in and returned it, and with the money I owed the library, I went to Barnes and Noble and bought my own copy.

It's a really insightful how-to-write book by Bill Roorbach called "Writing Life Stories." If you're trying to write a memoir or an essay or what have you, I think it's an excellent source. Even if you already know all the tips he gives you (which I definitely didn't), it's still overflowing with inspiration, and one can never have too much of that.

One particular such inspiring passage talked about this writer from the 1500s named Michel de Montaigne, whom I had never heard of before. Apparently this writer wore a gold medallion around his neck that had the inscription "Que sais-je," which is French for "What do I know?" It's a rather interesting question for writers, definitely, but for anyone really. I liked it so much, that in true Jenny fashion, my first instinct was to get it tattooed somewhere. But my husband would talk me out of that in the end anyhow, as he tends to do every time I want to tattoo something new on myself, which happens more often than you might think.

So what do I know? Generally, I feel like I don't know much. I don't know much about mortgages (but I'm learning with our ongoing house hunt). I don't know much about politics (except what my husband's opinions are). I don't know much about anything, really, or so it seems. But sometimes I think not knowing is what makes a writer great. It can give a connection to the reader and the writer and let them figure out things they don't know together.

However, Roorbach insists that people know a lot more than they think they do. He said Montaigne "was an expert on himself (as we all are, or should be) and so reported confidently, as an authority... Look inside yourself. What do you know? The answer is that you know a lot, about myriad subjects."

It makes perfect sense. If it's anything we should all be experts on, it's ourselves. Which works out for me, trying to write a memoir and all. But isn't it such hard concept to keep in mind from day to day? I know I often feel like I don't know more than I do know, but I think most people feel that way.

Where the book is involved, though, I definitely know a lot about myself and my relationship with my family and my family, in general. Which I'm sure will come in handy. What the writing group pointed out to me this week, though, is that I don't do a very good job of sharing that knowledge with the rest of the world. Turns out that since my family's habits and personalities are so second-nature to me, I don't explain them for the rest of the world to understand. For example, I wrote about how my Aunt Louise smiles and people thought it was weird she was smiling at a funeral. But Aunt Louise is always smiling, no matter the circumstances. I don't think I've ever not seen her smile. Any other person wouldn't know that, though. They would just think she was being insensitive in such a serious atmosphere. So that's something I have to go back and work on.

Also, I'm having another problem with tone in my story. I don't want it to be all ho-hum because it is taking place at a funeral, but I think I've overcompensated and made the mood too light. Some people thought it was clever that I was making light of such a gloomy situation, but other people thought it made me an unreliable narrator. Which is a funny concept, being an unreliable narrator in a story about you written by you.

And then there's also the problem with dialogue. Someone suggested I have more of it. I've never been good with dialogue. I feel it's boring. But I guess I had better give it a whirl anyhow.

So many times, especially this week when our schedule has been so unpredictable and choatic, I feel like I don't know anything about writing. And then I go to writing club and I feel like maybe I know a little about writing, but definitely not much. I never feel discouraged, though, which is a good thing, I guess. I asked the group flat-out if they thought my piece was boring, and they all said encouraging things without really answering the question. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Then I got home and I was reading through my comments, and one person wrote down, "I didn't think it was boring." So thank you, fellow writer, whoever you are (I couldn't tell by the handwriting). It's nice to know I'm not boring.

So off the top of my head, here's what I know right now:
1. John, the amazing writer who rhymes at Writing Club has bluer eyes than I do, like freaky ridiculously blue eyes. So even though his face looks tired, his eyes are always awake.
2. House hunting absolutely consumes your entire life to the point where it gets obsessive, always checking online to see if a new house has popped up or if perhaps you overlooked one.
3. I cannot have the TV on and expect to get anything productive done, unless I'm in the kitchen, but then I can barely hear the TV anyhow, so it's really not the same thing at all.

Unfortunately, none of those things will help me with my book at all.